Episode 11 – What The Heck? Jeff:
(Narrating) Previously on Survivor: Six are left. Who will be voted out tonight? Theme Song Smallwood . . (It's still night. Smallwood
returns from Tribal Council. Will walks at the rear, looking very pleased.) . (The tribe enters the campsite) . (Lora sighs heavily and walks to the shelter) . (Survivors prepare for the night. Lora
intentionally beds down on opposite side of shelter from Will. The night passes restlessly for all except Kevin) . . . (Amanda jogs into the woods. Will
takes no notice of her, continuing with his exercise regimen. The other survivors stumble out of the shelter and the camp comes alive. Sylvia goes off to gather chickweed; Kevin goes with her.) . . (Kevin chases the snake off into the
bushes. Sylvia goes in after him) . Sylvia: Kevin?
Be careful! It could be poisonous! (Cut back to Amanda, who has found the apple tree) . Tree: Um, sorry,
they all got ruined by last night’s freeze. . . . . Lora: You
know, I’m getting pretty tired of eating all this chickweed all the time. . . . Lora: What did
you say?
Sylvia: Hey,
have you seen Kevin? Amanda:
(pointing) Yes, he went that way. I think he was chasing a snake. Sylvia: Thanks. (She finds Kevin engaged in conversation
with the tree) Kevin: No way,
buddy. Dodge Intrepid is way better than the Monte Carlo. Tree: I’m sorry, I gotta disagree with you there. The Monte Carlo’s power-to-weight ratios are far superior to an Intrepid. But, it does pull more airfriction at high speeds. Sylvia: Kevin,
who are you talking to? Kevin: There’s
a really cool tree here that knows about everything! Sylvia: Um…I
think you need to come back to camp and eat something. Fast. You’re acting
kinda weird. (Amanda jogs back into camp and sits down
near Kris.) Amanda: Good
morning. Chickweed again? Kris: Afraid
so. We are unable to locate any more substantial food source than grass. Amanda: I’m
sure we’ll live. What do you think today’s reward challenge will be? I hope
it’s a food reward; I could use some real food again. That meal with Dan really
whetted my appetite, though he proved to be lousy company. Kris: Just
guessing the fact that it was a week ago also helps empty your stomach a
little? (Sylvia and Kevin stumble back into camp) Sylvia: I think we need to
give Kevin here some rest and real food. I found him talking to a tree out
there.
Lora: Well, he
is a little strange, anyway. Sylvia: Yeah,
but not that strange. Kevin: No, the
tree really was talking to me! Amanda was there. (Survivors look around – Amanda is
nowhere to be seen) Kris: Things
are becoming rather unusual around here of late. (After breakfast, the Survivors kick back
for a short break.) Lora: I’m going
to check the mail. Will someone not Will go with me? Kris? Kris:
Certainly. (Lora and Kris head off down the beach) Kris: Are
you sure that your quarrel with Will is wise at this point in the game? . . . Lora: Well,
here’s what we’ve got. (Reading) No bows will be used . (Lora and Kris return to camp with the instructions) . Kevin: Sure,
buddy. (Sylvia walks into the woods, led by Kevin, to find Amanda and the talking tree.) . Kevin: See ya later, buddy. Reward Challenge: Fire at Will (not that Will!) (Aerial shot of a clearing in the forest. Close-ups of an odd-looking target and a basket full of large darts with multicolored feathering. The Survivors walk into the clearing and meet Jeff) . . The first person
from each pair to hit in the center goes on to the next round. In the final
round, though, the Survivors get only three tries each, in alternating turns.
Each throw will be scored by it’s location on the target, relative to the
center, as in regular darts. The highest score after three shots wins. Now on
to the reward. (The Survivors murmur "yes") . (The teams position themselves by their respective scales) . (Will immediately starts leafing through his darts, laying them out and straightening the
feathers. Kevin drops his basket on the ground and starts making a little fence with his. . Will starts throwing his darts at the target in a well-aimed and thought- out manner. His shots run fairly true. . (Will continues to toss his darts. A few stick close to the center. Soon, he goes and pulls his darts out of the target to start over. Kevin walks around, looking for rocks, and nearly gets hit by a dart. . Kevin: Thanks,
buddy. (After a few more throws, Will lands one right in the center.) . Jeff: Will, you’ve won the first round. You’re going to the finals, it seems. Kris, Sylvia, you’re up. Remember, the winner here must beat the winner of the Amanda/Lora match to make the finals. (Sylvia and Kris each line up in front of their targets. Both inspect their darts before throwing them. They both chuck their first at about the same time. Sylvia sends hers flying at a slightly slower pace than Kris, who is soon out of darts. . Kris gathers is darts. No sooner has he pulled the last one than Sylvia gives a shout.) . Jeff: OK, let me
have a look at it.
somewhat glum Kris following close behind. . Close shot of Sylvia’s center ring – the dart is just outside of the bulls-eye mark. . Sylvia gives a huge sigh and walks back to the line.) . Jeff: Sorry, but that doesn’t quite cut it. Kris: Most
unfortunate for you. (Kris starts throwing darts again. Soon, he’s landed one square in the center.) . Jeff: Kris, you move on to the next round. Sorry, Sylvia. Better luck next time. Sylvia: It
won’t need to be much better. Jeff: Amanda,
Lora, it’s your turn to shoot. (Amanda and Lora step up to the line and start chucking darts at the target. . Several of Lora’s land close to the
center, but within a few throws, Amanda lands a dart in the center.) Amanda:
Yes! Lora: Aargh! Jeff: Okay,
Survivors. Now Amanda and Kris step on up to see who gets in the finals. (Amanda and Kris stroll to over to toe the line, and start checking their darts.) . Kris: You’re
going down, girl. Jeff: Go! (Amanda starts throwing darts smoothly, with great care. Kris grabs and throws with no real aim, as fast as he can. Several of Amanda’s darts stick close to home, but a few of Kris’ land center as well. After about 30 seconds, Kris must retrieve his darts, while Amanda still holds half of hers. . Kris returns to the line and starts
throwing fast again, and within a couple of shots, has landed one in the red zone. . Kris: I do not mean to sound rude, but as they say, “I toldya so!” . Amanda: Yeah,
you got me. Jeff: We have a winner. Kris, you will face Will in the finals. Lora: Where’s Kevin? (Kevin's wandered into the woods, far away from the challenge) . Kevin:
Rocks, rocks... (Pan back over to the clearing. Will and Kris are poised at the line, facing the same target. Will rears back to throw, but waits for
Jeff’s go-ahead. So, do I get to go, Anal? Jeff: Please don’t call me that. And yes, you may go. (Will throws his dart with amazing skill, easily landing it two rings out from the center.) . Jeff: Worth
4 points, Will. Kris, your throw. (Kris steps forward and tosses his dart. It lands just inside the line on the first ring out.) . (Like Kris, Will takes careful aim and lands one just outside of the center ring.) . Kris: Not too
shabby, I might say. (Kris steps up and lobs his own dart, but it goes awry and lands three rings out.) . (Will toes the line, an anxious and prepared look on his face. He rears back and lobs a beauty barely half an inch outside the middle.
Will goes back to the group, slapping high fives, looking very confident.) . (Kris takes a deep breath, aims, and throws his dart. Dead center.) . Jeff: Nice
work, Kris. Well-earned. I guarantee tonight's gonna be great for
you, and whoever you decide to bring along. You didn’t think that we’d make you
play video games all by yourself, now did you? Okay, Kris, who will you bring
along with you? Kris: Well, I
suppose I should bring Amanda, as a compensation for defeating her skill in the
second round. Jeff: Okay, off you go. The boat will be waiting for you on the beach. As for the rest of the Survivors, you need to go back to camp. Will: (sorely)
Sure thing, Anal. (Kris gives Amanda a high five. After locating Kevin, the Survivors exit) Smallwood . (The tribe goes about their business, each silently angry that they’re left at camp.) . Will:
(Narrating) I wonder about Kris. Taking Amanda on a reward like that is
somewhat odd. Maybe he thought she was a worthy opponent on the games. I hope
he isn’t turning on us. Will: I don’t
know, she just had a good meal two episodes ago. I think it’s someone else’s
turn. Sylvia:
(Narrating) While Kevin’s out wandering, I plan to use the opportunity of no
one being around to see if I can help patch things up between Will and Lora. I
really don’t like how they’re still at odds like that. I think they still have
feelings for each other in there. Somewhere.
Lora: What
do you want? (Suddenly, Kevin runs into camp with his pants off and wrapped around a small, quivering object.) . . (Kevin opens up his pants and the squirrel jumps out at Lora.) . Lora: Aaah! Get
it off of me! (Lora bolts across camp, chased by the squirrel, with Sylvia and Will close behind. ) . (Will grabs a stick and runs the other way. He meets Lora and the squirrel at the other side of camp and beats the creature to death.) . (Kevin starts crying) . Kevin: Huh? Oh,
yeah. But I’m not gonna eat him.. . . Jeff: Say what? Amanda: Um…So I
guess we get to meet the captain? (Suddenly, from behind a junkpile on the deck, the same bearded, poorly-dressed little man from episode 5 walks out to greet the Survivors.) . (Amanda shakes her head. Kris chuckles lightly. Tony disappears behind the browned glass windows of the cabin, and the boat starts moving. After a while, it beaches on a small uninhabited island) . (Jeff leads Amanda and Dan onto the island. Down a small path is a little dirty shack, with smoke rising from a makeshift chimney. A small generator is running outside. The welcome mat reads “i dont want it, idiot” . (Kris and Amanda walk inside the little
shack, to find it is almost bare of furnishings. A woodstove, two chairs, and a small portable TV are all it contains.) . Tony: Nah,
I’ll go get it for ‘em. Country hospitality isnt just a american thing, ya
know. (Tony leaves) . . (Amanda plops down in a chair. Dust flies out of it, as well as an extremely foul stench.) . (Kris and Amanda start digging through
the pile of games by the TV) . (Kris is holding up a few actually worthwhile games) . (Amanda and Kris drop into chairs after firing up the N64.) . Kris:
(ecstatic) Ha ha! Bonus points! I do believe I just won that round. Again. Amanda: I give.
How about a round of Perfect Dark? I know a little about that one. (Amanda clicks in the cartridge, and the game fires up.) . (cut to shots of Kris’ screen turning
red, Amanda laughing) And then play
teams against simulations? (cut to shots of Kris’ screen turning red
again) Kris: Wow. I am
just no good at this game. Maybe we should set the sims down to easy. (cut to more shots of Kris’ screen
turning red, Kris extremely exasperated) Amanda:
Face it, Kris. You got no game. . Amanda: (Narrating) Smashing Kris at Perfect Dark was actually pretty fun. I guess I can see why people like these games so much. But the food they had for us was just plain gross. Even worse that we had at Michael’s Bar.. (Shot of Kris and Amanda picking at what
resembles a cow’s cud, on a plate beside some blackened meat smothered with a greenish, steaming sauce.) . (Jeff leads Kris and Amanda to the boat. They dock at the mainland, and Jeff drives to a nasty hotel in the slums. The van’s hubcaps are pulled off at a stop sign, as Jeff tips a homeless man for washing the windshield. Finally, they find a parking spot off a dark alley.) Jeff: Where are
the hubcaps? I thought we had nice caps on this van. (Jeff leads Dan and Amanda into the same squallid inn. Again, several rats flee as they're taken to their room. The room still has two beds and a phone) . Jeff: I'll
see you two in the morning. (Jeff leaves. Kris and Amanda sit in silence for a moment) . (Kris and Amanda lay it their beds, shortly falling asleep. They are woken up the next morning by a phone call from Jeff.) . Jeff: Good morning, Survivors. The van was stolen last night, so we’ll have to take a cab to the dock. I’ll meet you two in the lobby in about five minutes.
(Amanda crawls back under the covers for another minute, then gets up and heads out. Kris rises and immediately hits the bathroom, leaving with all the soap he can carry.) . (They head out, meeting a cab in front of the hotel) Smallwood . (The Survivors wake, refreshed and ready for another morning and lousy breakfast.) . Lora: Well,
what else is there? I don’t want to have to be squirrel bait again. (The Gilgamesh pulls up near shore, and Kris and Amanda are
thrown overboard. As they swim to shore, the Survivors all come out to greet them.) . . . . (Survivors look around in confusion) Amanda: Um,
never mind. It’s a Canada thing. (After breakfast, the Survivors disperse for various tasks.) . Kris: Yes.
We’re still aligned, if that’s what you mean. (Will appears somewhat skeptical, but continues conversation.) . Kris: I don’t
know. I’d have to consider the implications of such a move. I won’t decide on
anything until I’ve had time to work out how things will turn. . . (Wide shot of Kris and Will, walking through a clearing, chatting.) . (Fade into Sylvia and Lora, walking along beach.) . Lora: I don’t
want to talk about it. . Lora: I just
don’t like how he…I guess I shouldn’t talk about it. You’re allied with him,
after all. . Lora: No. I’m
not gonna say anything. It’s just that I don’t like the way he’s playing the
game. No, I won’t talk. (Pan out on horizon) . Amanda: Right. So,
I guess we need to get some wood for the fire, eh? . . (The Survivors gather for lunch at the campsite.) . (Amanda and Kevin return to camp) . Sylvia: Is he
still on that whole talking tree thing? Amanda: Yeah.
Well, let’s eat. . . Amanda: Usually
I like a good salad. But after a while, it starts getting pretty aggravating. Sylvia: Waddya
mean? You’ve had two real meals in the last week! Amanda: I guess
you could call it “real” food. It was pretty nasty. Hey, Will, remember that
time at Six Flags, when I got that gross salad, and I threw up on the van? That
was pretty bad. Will: Yeah, it
was pretty gross. Lora: I haven’t
heard this one. Tell us the story. Kevin:
(Narrating) And then Amanda told us this cool story about how she threw up one
time, and then everybody started talking about upchucking, and we got a whole
bunch of stories. I told about this one time when I had a cup of fake barf at a
movie theatre and I made a sound like I was barfing and I threw it off the
balcony and it landed on people and they started throwing up and then everybody
started throwing up all over the place… wait, that was from the Goonies… hey,
look, a duck. (gets up and walks off) Aflac…Aflac… (Amanda and Lora are walking over to check the tree mail.) . Lora: I don’t
wanna talk about it. . Amanda: Sounds
reasonable. I’ll see what I can do, then gat back to you. . (Amanda and Lora return to camp) . (Suddenly, a Neanderthal, Yoda, a
Mexican and a small, grey sluglike creature walk across the campsite, escorted by Satan.) Neanderthal:
Sorry, just wanted a cameo. . Kevin:
(pointing in to forest) Hey look, a monkey! Amanda: Huh?
Where? Kevin: (still
pointing) Right there, on the left of the screen. Amanda: Never
mind. I’ve already read that post. Will: This is hilarious! Amanda: (Narrating) The stupid writer of this episode decided to stick a bunch of lousy message board references into the action somewhere, and the responsibility of carrying them fell on me. Thanks a lot! It wasn’t even funny. Will: (Narrating) A bunch of the guys just walked across the set. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, except that other, slightly funnier thing. I just wonder where Six Gun went. He probably got lost. Hah! Six Gun? That guy’s a dweeb! Lora: Say, do you hear
something singing? It sounds like a cheesy 80’s song or something. (Jeff comes running in to the middle of
camp, from somewhere offscreen) Will: Greetings,
Anal. Say, was all that authorized
by Burnett? Jeff: What
you just saw is to remain classified. It was an unauthorized display, and you
are not to tell of any of it to anyone. Please, if you all will come with me,
we’ll go ahead with the Immunity Challenge, and get all that weird stuff out of
your minds. Will: What? You mean we
don’t have to read some lousy poem that tells us when to meet, and gives a
vague though accurate description of the unknown challenge? Jeff: Yeah,
that’s what I’m saying. Now let’s get going.
Immunity Challenge – Log for Loss or Life (Shots of a row of large trees, bare of
branches, planted about twenty feet apart from each other, and a stump with six axes stuck in to it’s top. The Survivors enter and meet Jeff) . (Will hands Jeff the Immunity Necklace) Jeff: Thank you. Will: No sweat, Anal. . (The Survivors all line up) . (The Survivors all run for the stump, Will and Amanda reaching it first, and grabbing axes. Following is Sylvia, and then Lora and Kris. Kevin walks right up to his tree. He spots a squirrel running down it, and jumping into a hole at it’s roots. The rest of the survivors, upon reaching their trees, immediately start hacking into them.) Jeff: Come on, guys. Will: These axes are incredibly
dull. That’s pretty cheap. Making us work so long. This isn’t the endurance
challenge! Jeff: Yeah, just deal with it.
We wanted plenty of footage to edit around with. (Will starts chopping again. He’s made pretty good headway. The other Survivors haven’t chopped quite as briskly, but are still knocking it away. Kevin, though, has begun to dig around the squirrel’s hole, and is using his axe as a shovel, also snapping roots. His tree begins to groan.) . (Amanda and Kris glance over, then return
to chopping. Will is almost through. Suddenly, Kevin gives a shout.). Kevin: Hah,
I’ve got you. . (Kevin leans against his tree, and it starts to pop. It slowly tips, as the roots snap, and hits the ground just as Will delivers the final blow on his own tree.) . (The Survivors all drop their axes in
amazement at the scene. Kevin gives a big shrug as all their jaws drop.) . Kevin: Cool.. (Kevin drops the squirrel and approaches Jeff, who places the necklace around his neck) . (Everyone congratulates Kevin as they walk out) Smallwood ... (The Survivors all stroll around, strategizing in small groups) . Will:
(Narrating) I can’t believe Kevin won immunity. Well, I guess my planned twist
will just have to wait. I will have to meet with Kris and Sylvia to decide on
how to vote tonight. (Amanda pulls Lora to the side to talk to her) . Amanda: (whispers)
Well, if you help me turn Kevin, I think we can get rid of Will. (Lora leaves Amanda to find Kevin) . Kevin: Huh? Oh,
Kris tells me. (Will gathers with Kris and Sylvia) . Sylvia: How
about Amanda? . Sylvia: I still
want to patch things up between you two, so I suggest we keep Lora around a
little while longer. Kris: Are you questioning my loyalty? I’m insulted, Will. Of course, I’m with you all the way.. (The group disperses, to arrive back at the camp for supper.) . (Before long, the sun sets. The Survivors pack their torches and head for Tribal Council) Tribal Council # 11 (The Survivors enter) . (Brian, Melissa and Dan enter, watching the remaining Survivors) . . . . (Will walks up to the voting confessional and votes for Amanda.) . . (Sylvia's next, followed by Amanda. She votes for Will) . . (Kevin's up next, followed by Lora, who writes down her vote. We don’t see it.) . (Finally, Kris votes. We don't see it) . (Kris returns) . (Jeff returns with the voting canister) .
.
.
. .
. (Will looks worried, Amanda is slightly nervous) .
. . That's three
votes Will, two votes Amanda. The final vote:
. (Will grabs his torch and approaches Jeff) . . (Will exits. Sylvia looks extremely
unsettled, while Lora and Amanda sit confidently) . (The Survivors exit) Will's Final Words: Well, this was completely unforeseen. I guess I let my power get to my head. I thought I ruled the alliance, but it turned on me. I didn’t see it. But I guess, may the best man win. Evidently it wasn’t me, or I’d still be there. I’m part of the jury now, so I’m anxious to see how the rest will play out without me. Oh, and P.S., I’m just glad this isn’t the real episode, because this one sure was different. Voting Record Amanda: Will Will: Amanda Kris: Will Lora: Will Sylvia: Amanda Kevin: Will |
